Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
