My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
