I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
