She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
