What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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