My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
