You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
