Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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