I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
