she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
