It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
