I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
