all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
