Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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