you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
