whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
