we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Mom said you looked used
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
