ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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