What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
BRING THE BAGELS
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
