My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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