So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
