just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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