...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
