The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
