So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
