why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
