my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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