My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
