So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
