you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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