Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
