He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He kissed a someone with a penis
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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