You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
