I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
