During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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