I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
