This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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