i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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