all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You are the jesus of drinking
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
