Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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