I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
