i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There's always time for handjobs
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
