Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Hippo gnu deer
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
