I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
