So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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