I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I want a musical about memes.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
