he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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