we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
