By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I AM VODKA MAN
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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