farters have to be the big spoon...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
