He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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