My friends, they love my intelligence
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
