that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
